Pachanga Patterson - Pachanga rhymes with Jenga

June 18, 2011 - what a vivid day in my memory.  The day that Jenga metamorphosed from a game with wooden pieces to a creative brunch meal which hit my palate with the force of a mallet.  Enter Pachanga Patterson. 
I had read quite a bit about Pachanga Patterson prior to deciding to brunch at this little cochina.  On this particular day, my co-diner and I were torn between two establishments in Astoria that we had yet to try.  I am extremely pleased we decided to fill our stomach's sombrero style. 

The atmosphere of Pachanga Patterson is so welcoming.  We were greeted by nearly every employee as we made our way from entrance way to our seats.  We decided to sit outside because the weather was great.  This turned out to be somewhat of a mistake due to the sun beating on my face at a temperature of about 200 degrees Fahrenheit, but it didn't ruin the positive experience overall. 

If you head straight through the inside dining area of the restaurant you are led out to a backyard deck.  It isn't huge, but there were around 6-8 tables that could accommodate anywhere from 2 to 6 people and more if tables were pushed together.  The only issue was there was literally NO AIR moving back there, no breeze, no wind, it was steamy like a sauna.  There were two tables that had umbrella's, but they were taken.  We stuck it out and sat outside during the entire length of our meal, but at times it was pretty unbearable.  There were about 8 people, who I like to call, those who can't handle the heat, who came outside, barely sat, then went back inside.  Wimps.  Inside sources report that Pachanga Patterson doesn't like wimps.  Okay, no one told me that, but I bet my Pachanga Patterson poncho that it is true.
Both my co-diner and I decided we would do the brunch special, which included one entree and a drink (mimosa, sangria, or bloody mary) for $10.00.  Deal?  I'd sure as heck say so.  The menu doesn't have a ton of items on it, but more than enough for everyone in your party to find something they like.  Both of us ordered the "Veggie Jenga" and a glass of sangria.  The sangria took a little longer than it should to come out, but it was great once it did. They do not overload their sangria glasses with ice and fruit like so many other establishments.  I found the sangria extremely refreshing especially since my skin was sizzling in the sun.  The sangria was not overly sweet and the glass size was generous.

My one and only gripe with Pachanga Patterson is that the time it took for our food to come out was a bit ridiculous.  Another table of champs who sat outside ordered guacamole to go and we overheard our waitress say that it would likely take at least 20 minutes because a bunch of tables sat around the same time as one another.  Now, Pachanga Patterson did just only recently start serving brunch, however I do not believe this should be a get out of Mexico free card.  The restaurant should have enough kitchen employees on staff to accommodate the brunch crowd or prepare their kitchen for rushes. I imagine at dinner time there are times where a bunch of tables sit at the same time also.  It is something that needs to be addressed and remedied.  The only thing I can say in Pachanga Patterson's favor about this issue is that maybe they are not employing as many kitchen staff during brunch until they see what type of crowd they are going to get. 
 

My first impression of the Veggie Jenga when it graced me with its presence on my plate was that the portion size was amazing.  They could have easily gotten away with serving half of what was on my plate, especially because the way it was plated and served was cut in half.  Basically, the dish consisted of a sweet potato puree on the bottom of the plate, then a tortilla shell, topped with a mixed salad, topped black beans and also a fried egg (which was more like a well done over-easy egg), and finally there was a green spicy sauce drizzled over the dish that can best be described as perfect.  My co-diner is a bit sensitive to spicy food and commented she would ask for the sauce on the side next time.  The dish was perfect.  I was a bit weary of the sweet potato puree upon ordering, but it meshed perfectly.  The last time I saw a dish mesh so well was when I began preparing and dining on potato chip/mayo/bread smushed together sandwiches (patent pending).  The tortilla shell added a nice crunch to the dish.  I heard a waiter state that the reason the dish was named "Veggie Jenga" was because of how the ingredients are piled one on top of each other, much like Jenga pieces.  The difference is, this little torta ain't toppling.  I finished my entire dish and did not feel as though what I ate was extremely unhealthy and did not feel disgustingly stuffed afterwards. 

I am looking forward to making Pachanga Patterson a regular brunch staple and also can't wait to try it for dinner.  Pachanga es mi amigo.  I leave you with a little diddy that I like to call a rhyme.
Be careful when you swallow.
Be careful when you chew.
I love Pachanga.
And so will you.

2 Bros. Pizza - East Village - dolla dolla bill ya'll

Pizza is one of my favorite foods.  I like Pizza of all sorts.  This is exactly why I don't judge 2 Bros. Pizza, but rather appreciate and embrace it for exactly what it is - a slightly skeevy joint that serves up a delicious slice of goodness.  2 Bros. Pizza doesn't pretend to be something that it is not, it is not putting up a facade.  2 Bros. Pizza is not wearing a mask, they are not hiding their dirty little secrets.  Is the establishment small?  Tiny, yes.  Is it muggy and filled with a sort of steamy stale air?  You bet.  Are there any sinks in view where the employees can wash their hands from time to time?  None that I ever saw.  DOES THEIR PIZZA COST A DOLLAR A SLICE?  Sure does, sure does. 

Now, I'm not saying you should sacrifice quality to save a dollar here or there.  The thing is, you aren't sacrificing quality by eating a slice from 2 Bros. Pizza.  You are getting exactly what you pay for, which is a delectable slice of pizza.  The cheese to sauce ratio is exactly on point and the crust is the perfect consistency.  It should be noted that the two gentlemen pictured on the 2 Bros. Pizza sign are not the gentleman who knead your dough, sprinkle your cheese, and toss your pizzas.  I have never seen these two gentlemen in 2 Bros. Pizza and while I do not believe it was an intentional fabrication on 2 Bros. Pizza's part, they do not exist in the realm of the dollar slice.  That being said, if you expect an authentic Italian slice of pizza then you should absolutely go elsewhere, oh, and good luck finding one.

The 2 Bros. Pizza I frequent is located on lovely St. Marks.  The worst part of the whole experience is making your way down that block during peak times, which seem to be 24/7.  The other part of the whole experience that really bothers me while I make my way to 2 Bros. Pizza, is passing the other 2 Bros. Pizza that mysteriously opened only a few store fronts down from the BETTER and ORIGINAL 2 Bros. Pizza on St. Marks.  Forgive me while I go off on a tangent about this copycat 2 Bros. Pizza.  Once I find a place I enjoy, I'm loyal to that exact place and location.  This second 2 Bros. Pizza a few doors away is mind boggling to me (and I don't care that it is the same owners).  I should actually just start walking the long way to reach the superior 2 Bros. Pizza so I don't have to look at this eye sore anymore.  Oh, and they call themselves, 2 Bros. Pizza Plus, plus what?  Explain that one.  Right, you can't.  I have never been in the newer, likely inferior, 2 Bros. Pizza (Plus) and never will step foot in the establishment (unless my preferred 2 Bros. Pizza closes - desperate times, desperate measures). 

Just a few things about the cleanliness of this establishment.  Ignorance is bliss is an apt description.  I try not to think about it too much, to some extent I bury my head in the sand or sauce in this case.  The bottom line is, you can't have it all.  You can't indulge in a dollar slice of pizza that is pretty darn delicious and expect the highest quality ingredients and health standards.  In all fairness, I would likely continue to frequent 2 Bros. Pizza even if I found out they had a dirty little unsanitary secret.  Like Madonna Louise Ciccone a/k/a Madonna once so rightly put it, "Things haven't been the same / Since you came into my life / You found a way to touch my soul / And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret for me."  If you felt uncomfortable reading those lyrics as related to pizza, think about how uncomfortable I felt when I thought of them in relation to pizza, then proceeded to type them out. 

You can't beat a slice of pizza for a dollar, especially a good slice.  They also have a deal, two slices, and a can of soda, all for the price of $2.75.  In fact, I am so fond of 2 Bros. Pizza that I wrote a little poem for them, creatively titled "2 Bros. Pizza":

2 Bros. Pizza

Hey Brothers, you're unlike any other

Hey Brothers, I'd like to meet your mother

Hey Brothers, here is one single dollar

Hey Brothers, your pizza deserves a holler

Hey Brothers, St. Marks can be a zoo

Hey Brothers, I smile when I think of you

Hey Brothers, please save me a slice

Hey Brothers, I hope you don't have mice

Hey Brothers, I hope you are clean

Hey Brothers, sorry that was mean

Gaudio's Pizzeria & Restaurant - worth the wait, and yes, you will be waiting

Ahhhh Gaudio's Pizzeria & Restaurant - yet another place that I love to hate, love to love, hate to love, and all those other mixed emotions that come along with food obsession.  Upon moving to my new 'hood, I scoped out some nearby food establishments.  One food establishment being Gaudio's. 
I remember the first time I laid eyes on Gaudio's, my first thought was "there is no way that place has passed health inspections, I'm never eating that pizza" and the second was "oh, wait, maybe they just are like innumerable other restaurants in Queens that haven't changed their appearance since 1995".  On a side note, I think 1995 was a pretty good year for pizza in my life.  I don't remember the exact details, but since I graduated elementary school that year I am pretty confident that there was a lot of pizza partying going on.  Irrelevant, sorry.  

Flash forward to a few evenings after we moved into our new apartment.  My co-diner and I are tired, lazy, don't feel like going too far for food, and want something quick and easy.  Like a flash of lightning, Gaudio's came into my life, yelling at the top of their Italian lungs, "ITSA ME GAUDIO!" 






My co-diner and I arrive, unsure if we are going to eat at Gaudio's or get our meals to go.  We wanted to feel out the atmosphere first.  I was unsure if I was going to walk into a dumpster or a scene from In Living Color.  I was even more unsure which I would prefer.  To be honest, it was kind of a combination of both.  To be even more honest, I loved every second of it.
First, I need to discuss the man who took our order.  He is the reason that I said that Gaudio's was partially like walking into a dumpster.  Now, it must be hard to keep tidy while making pizza's all day, I can understand that.  What I can't understand is smeared glasses, a drooly mouth, and just an overall "I just put my hands in places you don't even want to know" type of look.  Call me crazy, but it just doesn't exactly whet my appetite.  To make matters worse, this individual moved in slow motion.  He should actually look into a new career in Hollywood special effects because I have never seen motion this slow, even in the movies when they intentionally put a clip in slow motion.  In fact, I heard a rumor that Juvenile penned his very respecful song "Slow Motion" after this dude. 

ANYWAY, after I ordered my white slice of pizza and my co-diner ordered her regular cheese slice of pizza, we decided we wanted salads.  As soon as this dude heard that we would like salads, he said we should sit down and order from the waiter.  Upon hearing that and realizing we had to be at work tomorrow morning and probably wouldn't make it in time if we chose to take that route, we said we would have the salads to go.  I ordered Gaudio's house salad (substiting mozzarella for provolone because I respect cheese that specifically asks within it's name to be left "olone" - also I prefer to avoid curd cheese that tastes like feet).  My co-diner ordered a Gaudio's house salad (with provolone).

While we were waiting at the counter for our food another customer walked in and literally stood at the counter waiting for his order to be taken for a solid five minutes.  The man who took our order was there the entire time, looking up at the ceiling, looking down at the floor, scratching his head, scratching his nose, kneading some dough, sighing, looking at the ceiling, etc.  Finally, he said something that could not be understood, along the lines of "do you need help?" to which the customer responded "yes, that would be great" with a sigh of relief.  Well, fast forward another solid five to seven minutes later and another five to ten senseless tasks later and still the customer was not helped.  Finally, the customer made eye contact with the dude and the dude said something along the lines of "oh, I thought you said you were being helped," and proceeded to half turn around, but listened to the customer's order.  Along with whatever the customer ordered, he ordered a regular can of Pepsi.  Well, something went way over the dude's head because he first presented him with a Diet Pepsi, then he gave him a Pepsi Max, FINALLY, he figured out that "the regular pepsi can is blue" meant, the blue can, not the black or silver one.






After this display, we finally received our food.  We paid and were on our way.  To be honest, I didn't fully appreciate the scenes that had developed before me until later on.  After giving it some thought, I realized that I had just received some of the best comedy and entertainment of my life all for the price of a slice of pizza and a salad.  Talk about a bargain.
Now, onto the food, the white slice was delicious.  It was the perfect amount of crisp, without being crunchy.  The salad was great as well, my one complaint would be there definitely is a bit of zest or flavor missing from the dressing, which could be due to the fact that there was not much dressing on the salad.  My co-diner said the regular slice was delicious also.  Again, the perfect amount of crisp. 
A few days later, there we were again, lazy and not motivated to cook.  We had the crave, the Gaudio's crave.  Unfortunately for us, this crave was depraved because it was a Monday and as we learned, Gaudio's is closed on Monday's.
Not to worry, Gaudio's re-entered our lives a few nights later.  This time, we decided to dine in.  Our buddy, the dude, (as I have been referring to him) was present, but we would not get to experience his quirks except at a distance because we had a waiter instead.  Nonetheless, the dude provided entertainment from our seats.  We made sure our seats were front and center to fully witness all of his actions.  Our waiter was a nice italian gentleman who provided prompt and friendly service, despite the fact that Gaudio's is Gaudio's and you will wait whether you are the only person in the restaurant or one of a hundred.  My co-diner and I both ordered Gaudio's salad, again, hers with feet, mine without.  Like last time, the salads were great except the dressing was again missing something.  We also decided to split the baked ziti dish and garlic knots.  The garlic knots were phenomenal.  Honestly, out of this world and from whatever world it is that the dude comes from.  I wish he had given me some of his slow motion power while eating them because I wanted them to last forever.  Amazing.  They were a texture in between perfectly soft/moist and crisp and had the right amount of garlic and were not drenched in oil.  The baked ziti came out a while later and was great.  I won't say it is the best baked ziti I have ever had, but it was pretty delicious.  The portions are generous, you won't leave overly stuffed on just the baked ziti, but you won't leave hungry either.  You will be satisfied.
What I've learned about Gaudio's is that you have to go in with an open mind and willing to wait.  Would I go there if I was in a huge rush?  Probably not, no.  Would I go in there expecting to receive a regular can of soda as opposed to a diet soda on the first try?  Don't be crazy, no.  Would I go in there expecting an out of this world slice and garlic knots?  Is the number eight even?  Can an ant typically lift and carry twenty or more times its body weight?  All ridiculously easy questions, with simple answers, YES, YES, and YES!






Gaudio's is somewhere that I think I'll feel pretty comfortable calling home after a few more visits.  I'm looking forward to a great many years ahead being entertained by the employees of Gaudio's and enjoying some great pizza and garlic knots while I'm at it.
Gaudio's - don't you go changing on me.