2 Bros. Pizza - East Village - dolla dolla bill ya'll

Pizza is one of my favorite foods.  I like Pizza of all sorts.  This is exactly why I don't judge 2 Bros. Pizza, but rather appreciate and embrace it for exactly what it is - a slightly skeevy joint that serves up a delicious slice of goodness.  2 Bros. Pizza doesn't pretend to be something that it is not, it is not putting up a facade.  2 Bros. Pizza is not wearing a mask, they are not hiding their dirty little secrets.  Is the establishment small?  Tiny, yes.  Is it muggy and filled with a sort of steamy stale air?  You bet.  Are there any sinks in view where the employees can wash their hands from time to time?  None that I ever saw.  DOES THEIR PIZZA COST A DOLLAR A SLICE?  Sure does, sure does. 

Now, I'm not saying you should sacrifice quality to save a dollar here or there.  The thing is, you aren't sacrificing quality by eating a slice from 2 Bros. Pizza.  You are getting exactly what you pay for, which is a delectable slice of pizza.  The cheese to sauce ratio is exactly on point and the crust is the perfect consistency.  It should be noted that the two gentlemen pictured on the 2 Bros. Pizza sign are not the gentleman who knead your dough, sprinkle your cheese, and toss your pizzas.  I have never seen these two gentlemen in 2 Bros. Pizza and while I do not believe it was an intentional fabrication on 2 Bros. Pizza's part, they do not exist in the realm of the dollar slice.  That being said, if you expect an authentic Italian slice of pizza then you should absolutely go elsewhere, oh, and good luck finding one.

The 2 Bros. Pizza I frequent is located on lovely St. Marks.  The worst part of the whole experience is making your way down that block during peak times, which seem to be 24/7.  The other part of the whole experience that really bothers me while I make my way to 2 Bros. Pizza, is passing the other 2 Bros. Pizza that mysteriously opened only a few store fronts down from the BETTER and ORIGINAL 2 Bros. Pizza on St. Marks.  Forgive me while I go off on a tangent about this copycat 2 Bros. Pizza.  Once I find a place I enjoy, I'm loyal to that exact place and location.  This second 2 Bros. Pizza a few doors away is mind boggling to me (and I don't care that it is the same owners).  I should actually just start walking the long way to reach the superior 2 Bros. Pizza so I don't have to look at this eye sore anymore.  Oh, and they call themselves, 2 Bros. Pizza Plus, plus what?  Explain that one.  Right, you can't.  I have never been in the newer, likely inferior, 2 Bros. Pizza (Plus) and never will step foot in the establishment (unless my preferred 2 Bros. Pizza closes - desperate times, desperate measures). 

Just a few things about the cleanliness of this establishment.  Ignorance is bliss is an apt description.  I try not to think about it too much, to some extent I bury my head in the sand or sauce in this case.  The bottom line is, you can't have it all.  You can't indulge in a dollar slice of pizza that is pretty darn delicious and expect the highest quality ingredients and health standards.  In all fairness, I would likely continue to frequent 2 Bros. Pizza even if I found out they had a dirty little unsanitary secret.  Like Madonna Louise Ciccone a/k/a Madonna once so rightly put it, "Things haven't been the same / Since you came into my life / You found a way to touch my soul / And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret / Mmm mmm, my baby's got a secret for me."  If you felt uncomfortable reading those lyrics as related to pizza, think about how uncomfortable I felt when I thought of them in relation to pizza, then proceeded to type them out. 

You can't beat a slice of pizza for a dollar, especially a good slice.  They also have a deal, two slices, and a can of soda, all for the price of $2.75.  In fact, I am so fond of 2 Bros. Pizza that I wrote a little poem for them, creatively titled "2 Bros. Pizza":

2 Bros. Pizza

Hey Brothers, you're unlike any other

Hey Brothers, I'd like to meet your mother

Hey Brothers, here is one single dollar

Hey Brothers, your pizza deserves a holler

Hey Brothers, St. Marks can be a zoo

Hey Brothers, I smile when I think of you

Hey Brothers, please save me a slice

Hey Brothers, I hope you don't have mice

Hey Brothers, I hope you are clean

Hey Brothers, sorry that was mean

Hop Devil Grill - Adios Huevos!

Hop Devil Grill is home to two of my favorite things in the world - "Taco Tuesdays" and a rotating craft beer selection.  It should come as no surprise that I was thrilled to find out that they had added a third favorite of mine - bottomless drinks at brunch.  They even outdid themselves, this endless brunch did not include only bloody mary's or mimosa's, but it included endless craft beer - "Beerunch" as they call it.  Sadly, my positive anticipation ended abruptly upon forking my first bite of huevos rancheros into my mouth.  Before I begin my headfirst dive into negativity, let me start off with some of the positive.  Hop Devil does in fact have a great beer selection, which rotates quite often.  They also have a pretty good happy hour, half off drinks until 8 p.m. 

Finally, you may have noticed that on Tuesdays there is a little gallop in my gait, a waltz in my walk, and a salsa in my step.  Why you may ask?  Simple - Taco Tuesdays.  Now, I don't know what favors I ever did for you Mexico, but I thank Mexico for creating these crunchy pieces of heaven stuffed to perfection.  Mostly, I thank Hop Devil for serving these super shells for $1.00 each.  The first time I went to dollar taco night, I went a bit overboard.  I ordered 6 vegetarian tacos - 3 soft and 3 hard.  The waitress looked at me in disgust and informed me I could always order more at a later point in my meal if I wanted more.  Ashamed, I retracted my initial order and instead ordered 5 vegetarian tacos.  I definitely could have ate 6.  Anyway, after having been back several times, I much prefer the hard tacos to the soft.  The soft are by no means bad, I just prefer the hard.  My co-diner on several occasions has tried the chicken and beef tacos and much prefers the beef.  Again, the chicken are not bad - the beef is apparently just better.  The only catch to this deal, which isn't really a catch, more of a bonus in my opinion, is that you have to order a drink to get the deal.
In addition to their Taco Tuesday night, Hop Devil offers various other specials and deals throughout the week.  This includes, dollar tostadas (not as good as the tacos), $10.00 pitchers of sangria, and half price burgers.  I have tried their vegetarian burger before and was very impressed.  My co-diner has tried their regular burger before and also was impressed.
After having such great experiences at Hop Devil, I should have left well enough alone.  I can never leave well enough alone.  I had a sneaking or rather screaming suspicion that Hop Devil may not serve the greatest breakfast, but I let curiosity get the best of me.  As the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat.  Lucky for Hop Devil - this little kitty has a million lives.
Prior to dining at Hop Devil for beerunch, I inspected their food choices.  I wasn't thrilled about the menu, but they did have one of my favorite breakfast staples (probably former favorite breakfast staples now) - huevos rancheros.  No one has ever wronged me with huevos rancheros - that is, until May 14, 2011.  
On this date, I was joined by three co-diners at Hop Devil for this beerunch.  Disastrously, three of the four of us ordered huevos rancheros.  Our waitress was extremely nice, but the food did take quite a while to come out after we ordered it.  In retrospect, I wish the food never came out at all.  The huevos was served with a side of yellow rice and a little tortilla bowl filled with liquid refried beans.  In all fairness, I ate all the rice and the beans, mostly because I was drinking and needed something to eat.

I don't even know how to describe the abomination that was the actual huevos rancheros. Huevos Cocktailos Sauceos is more like it.  Literally, there were two soft tortilla shells, with an egg on each, doused in what was supposed to be salsa.  My first bite of the actual egg part of the dish was disgusting, but I brainwashed myself into thinking maybe it was a fluke bite.  WRONG.  The second bite was just as horrible as the first.  Nothing was good about the dish, not the egg, not the steamy mushy tortilla shell, and especially not the cocktail sauce pretending to be salsa.  Now, I have nothing against cocktail sauce, I love cocktail sauce, I just don't want it on my huevos rancheros, and I definitely don't want it under the guise of salsa.  None of my co-diners who ordered the huevos rancheros ate much of it at all - I don't know who would.  The fourth co-diner ordered blueberry pancakes, which she said were fine, except no one ever brought her syrup.  I think maybe that was a good thing because I suspect that it may have been cocktail sauce pretending to be syrup also.  Seriously, thanks to Hop Devil I don't know that I will ever be able to order huevos rancheros again without doing deep breathing exercises and repeating audibly ten times, "the salsa will not be cocktail sauce, the salsa will not be cocktail sauce, etc." - talk about PTSRTBFED (post traumatic stress related to bad food experiences disorder).
I know that endless brunches are kind of a craze and I take full responsibility as a huge fan of endless brunches for only perpetuating restaurants to feel it a necessity to participate in the craze.  However, restaurants should know their place and establishments such as Hop Devil should not be cooking brunch.  They just shouldn't.  If they want to tag-along on this endless brunch craze, then they should just have an endless lunch and serve their regular lunch food (burgers, tacos, etc.).  I think if Hop Devil were to look at themselves in the mirror after eating an egg dish that they created, especially huevos rancheros, they would smash the mirror into a million little pieces and throw up. 
I end with some advice, to both myself and my old friend Hop Devil - stick to what you know is good.